Treat others as you would like others to treat you.
We’ve all probably heard this phrase many times, in one way or another. It makes sense—by treating others the way you want to be treated, you’re showing compassion and empathy to other humans.
I have a question though—are you showing compassion and empathy to yourself?
Treat Yourself as You Would Like Others to Treat You
A couple of months ago, I read a book by Shannon Kaiser called “The Self-Love Experiment.” One of the many wise tidbits she shared was, “when you accept yourself you love yourself, and in this expression of real, honest self-love you can then decide if you want to make new choices.”
It got me thinking, and wondering if I truly do accept myself, and what that would look like. I know myself. I’m an extremely self-aware person who laughs at her mistakes and knows why certain habit-changing methods do or don’t work for me. But do I really accept myself? Do I treat me the way I want to be treated by others?
I discovered that for me, accepting myself means having self-respect. A point of insecurity for me in recent years has been a feeling that people around me don’t respect me. I know other people’s opinions of you shouldn’t matter—in fact it’s something I’ve preached to quite a few friends in my life. But the truth is, being respected is a big value of mine. Respected for my ideas, my views, or even just the fact that I like going to bed early and don’t believe in eating appetizers and filling up before an expensive dinner! 😉
Do You Treat Yourself with Respect?
A recent revelation about this is, I don’t treat myself with respect nearly enough.
I feel hurt when people make fun of me, scoff at my ideas or beliefs, expect help from me rather than asking for it, or expect something from me that wasn’t clearly communicated from the start… and yet… I use self-deprecating humor. While this doesn’t apply to my professional life, I often dismiss suggestions I haven’t thoroughly researched myself, and am a bit stubborn because “I know myself and that’s just who I am!” I don’t ask people for help easily, and don’t always effectively communicate my expectations.
So… I value respect but I don’t show it to myself? How does that make sense?
The Comparison Trap
And then there is the comparison trap. You know, when you look at what another person has or does and question your own worth because you don’t have the same? You look at your chapter 1 and try to compare it to their chapter 20.
I only just very recently realized that while I don’t compare myself in that specific way, there is definitely some “keeping score” in my head. I have found myself hearing about the trials and tribulations of others, and then feeling like a selfish person because my problems aren’t nearly as bad as theirs—so who am I to complain?
I believe that comes back to self-respect. I haven’t been honoring my feelings or accepting that my problems are valid. I’ve been dismissing them as invalid and essentially choosing not to make changes because subconsciously I don’t think I’m worthy of that change.
I’m excited to have had this revelation as it empowers me to look at how I can respect myself and make changes accordingly.
How about you? Do you accept yourself? Respect yourself? Do you treat yourself the way you want others to treat you?
Joyfully Jendependent 