The Last Summer of My Thirties

Today begins the last summer of my thirties.

WOW. 

I dislike cliches but… time flies! Does time fly when you’re having fun? Sure, sure we’ll go with that. 

My thirties. I experienced more loss, more heartbreak, more fear, more anxiety in this decade than any other time of my life. I’ve also experienced more growth, more kindness, more understanding and compassion, more self-love and acceptance in this decade than any other time of my life. 

I’ve never considered myself to have a victim mentality. Being born hard of hearing, losing my belongings due to asbestos after a house fire, being diagnosed with Kallmann Syndrome, and then IBS/SIBO…. With a few momentary emotional breakdowns mixed in, my thoughts were mostly “meh it is what it is.”

But…. while this wasn’t a victim mentality, I was resigned. I didn’t believe that “the world was out to get me.” I accepted my fate… but at a cost. I didn’t fight or question my circumstances. I didn’t think I was deserving or undeserving of any of my circumstances… they just existed and were out of my control. 

After doing considerable work on my mental health during the last half of my thirties so far, I understand that this feeling of resignation doesn’t serve me. Sure, my circumstances may be out of my control sometimes, but I get to choose how to think and feel about them. I discovered that…

I want to feel proud of what I’ve overcome and accomplished.

I want to feel love and gratitude toward the people who have supported me through it all.

I want to feel empowered to make decisions that positively impact my well-being, no matter the circumstance.

I want to feel fulfilled, that I am living my chosen purpose in any given season of my life. This season, my purpose is to strengthen my physical and emotional health and resilience.

I want to feel motivated to show up as the healthiest version of myself for the people I care about.

I want to feel hopeful that this version of me will continue to remember compassion, authenticity, kindness, and encouragement with every decision I make and action I take. 

I also want to honor feelings like fear, anxiety, disappointment, and sadness. Those feelings are okay, and I spent so many years telling myself they weren’t… resisting them and letting them stop me from taking action, which I would later shame myself for and feel guilty about. I found that for me, resisting emotions is more exhausting than having them to begin with! 😉  

My thirties were the most transformative decade of my life. Next year, I hope I can say “That was the BEST year of my life!” and that I can keep continuing to say that as I move forward. ❤